Are you happy with where or how you live?

I believe, and this is just my opinion, your surroundings and where and how you live directly affect your happiness and how you feel. I have lived in an apartment with small kids, people above and family lived below. You can hear whatever is going on, whether they are up late or watching TV, or having an argument. It is not a pleasant experience to keep telling your kids to stop running or making noise. Having to carry groceries up two flights of stairs, or just plain not having anything to look at out the window except for other peoples windows. Worrying if your kids are safe playing outside or what kind of weirdo lives 2 doors down. I know sometimes you feel like you cannot afford to move somewhere else or afford to buy a little house with a yard, but unless you have looked into it or tried you will never know and just stay in the same rut you are in. There are smaller houses for rent in nice little neighborhoods that you can rent that are about or little more than an apartment, you just have to spend the time to watch the newspaper, craigslist, or real estate listing sites. Let people you know you are looking and talk to a real estate agent or post an ad on craigslist. I have found several really nice places that way and it was really easy. My oldest son thought that they couldn't afford to buy a house and they just moved in not too long ago, it's not as hard as you would think. Having a yard to mow, yard for the kids to play safely, and maybe a nice pet can really make a family happy and create long term memories. Sometimes people just want a family to move into their house to keep a handle on the upkeep of it, or if your husband is handy they might be willing to let you fix it up for a reduced rent. As you can see at the bottom of my page the pictures I have took of the water, I have a beautiful relaxing view out over the water and a private beach area in my neighborhood. No I am not rich and don't have allot of money but I was just resistant on looking for where I wanted to live and how I wanted to live and realized that now that I am not working I spend allot of time at home and how much happier I feel looking out a something wonderful instead of my neighbors or cars. My kids are grown but they had allot of good memories of our house we lived in with the fenced yard to play and ride their bikes around the culdesac or playing basketball. Also clutter creates stress, get rid of all the crap you haven't even used in years, or five of everything you don't need anymore. clear it all out and sell it on craigslist and find some stuff you really love and surround yourself with new stuff from the money you made off of selling all the crap you don't use. Get a new bedspread, sheets, and towels. Maybe some bright colors to add a little spark to your life. Throw those chipped up glasses and dishes away and get some new ones to liven things up a bit. You don't have to use all the hand-me-downs your mom gave you, you can store them in the garage and modern it up a little. All I am asking is for you to consider if your space makes you happy or not. If it doesn't then move or change the space to something that you do like. It really does make a difference to me, it might not matter as much to other's. Let me know what you think.

What do you do when your husband won't help

     My answer is..........Ha Ha I wish I knew. Years ago when I did have a very physical career building airplanes as a mechanic/plumber and the kids where younger I did get some help every now and then, but I think you kinda have to demand it. My husband started learning my breaking point which would normally begin by me getting very cranky, telling him I need some help or I'm leaving, reminding him that he has kids also, or just plain saying I'm not cooking tonight. That's when he would tell me to go take a hot bath and he would watch the kids for a while.
     I have learned over the years after 30 years of marriage that men usually don't understand hints and really cannot read your mind, they have to be told whats wrong and be told directly that there is a problem and that it's them that is creating the problem. Of course they will try to blame it on you or someone else in the beginning and try to worm there way around not being in the problem itself, it's you that are being too sensitive or tired which may or may not be true, but if it is the case then OK step on up and I will go take a long nap and we will talk about it later.. Once they may or may not admit to a problem they will want some kind of quick fix like telling you how to solve your problem. After they find out that it's not going to work they will usually say OK OK I will help out more I understand. That usually doesn't work the first few times, so you must make plans to go do something with your mother, sister, or friends for a while or for the day. Believe me after you get back for the day, and after several phone calls from him asking when your gonna be home and where is the frying pan, he will have a better understanding of how much work it really is watching the kids and cleaning up after them. This will also take a few times as he will need to be reminded every so often that you need help. Men are usually brought up to think that the wife and mother do all the cleaning and cooking and taking care of the kids, but things have changed and it takes two people working in order to be financially stable, so if he wants you to work then he must step in and share in the responsibilities and work. There is no reason that the wife must work and do everything herself, it is just too much for one person to do even though it can be done you will not have an enjoyable, relaxing, happy life, at least I couldn't, and you won't have time to do anything fun with your family, that in itself creates stress and unhappiness. Sometimes you just have to let everyone pitch in and then plan something fun for everyone to do later. Or maybe just let the house be messy for a day or two and just get out of the house and go somewhere. The world is not going to come to an end if something doesn't get done. I tried to be the perfect mom and housekeeper and work and all it did was make me unbearable to be around and exhausted. One time for a while I was working allot of overtime and decided to hire a house cleaner 2-3 times a month just to do the heavy cleaning not the everyday stuff. It was so nice to come home and have a spotless house for the weekend, no mopping floors and scrubbing toilets can really bring on the happy face. Of course by Sunday it might be dirty again but you did get a couple days of not having to do it. Anyways, just some more ideas for ya.
     

Take care of yourself first, then help others

The most important thing a women can do for herself is make sure that she is OK before attempting to help others. Getting enough sleep, taking a hot bath, or going for a walk may help emotionally as well as physically. I personally take on other people's problems when I hear about them. I feel like I can sometimes contribute some kind of advice or help in some way, but I don't realize ahead of time how time consuming it will be in the long run. I sometimes put other's priorities over my own and then find myself cranky, impatient, and overwhelmed. I don't know how to say no in a polite way without feeling guilty. Sometimes you can get the phone ringing off the hook with text's, emails, and calls that won't stop. The kids and hubby want dinner but you are too exhausted to cook or do anything else for the day. Then of course, you feel guilty again. Now that my kids are grown up it's not as bad, but I have learned to relax. That may sound a bit funny to some but it has been a life long skill for me to learn and I take it seriously. What do I do you may ask? I sleep till I'm not tired anymore, I enjoy my coffee with the radio on, I don't get dressed until I feel like it or have to go somewhere. I screen my calls for important ones, that's what the voicemail is for. If you are relaxing you can always call back later. Make appointments for times that are convenient not back to back early in the mornings or when it might cause stress. I can get away with it a little more than other's I'm sure, but some of these things really do help relax. I sometimes choose comfortable clothes, slip on shoes and easy stuff to wear. I also have a favorite blanket and heating pad and recliner nearby readily available. I'm sure these may seem overboard to most of you but if you try some of these tricks you will definitely see a big difference in how long you can relax. Let me know how any of these ideas work for ya.